clouds, soup, and remembering john.

well, studying has basically been my life lately
took a break to have my 21st birthday party on saturday (i aaaactually turn 21 on wednesday...woo)
it was pretty good. good people and all that jazz.
but then it was back to the library today. with my first exam on wednesday (happy birthday to me.) im starting to freak out a little bit...in case you were wondering, there is a LOT to know about 19th century literature!!! surprise surprise.
so im busy with that.

today was a rather dreary irish day. you know; clouds, rain...the whole bit. so thats fun...and by fun i mean depressing and makes me want soup.
so i made soup!
the good kind too.
home-made, soul-soothing, yummy and delicious potato soup.
(well i think its pretty good)
so basically thats exciting. listening to a bitta joshua radin (if you havent heard him, youtube his music. hes baaaasically a genius)

today was a pretty hard day (hence the need for some soul-soothing soup)
aside from study, which is never fun, i couldnt get my mind of john.
it will be a year tomorrow since john howry was taken from his friends and family.
its just hard.
the guy who killed him had sentencing recently and got community service. thats it. no jail time.
so that was a hard blow to take.
its just hard. its hard to understand why God took him from us. its hard to act like im okay. its definitely hard to study for finals at a time like this. ...its just hard.
so thats pretty much the biggest thing in my life and the biggest dread ive been facing; my birthday and the day preceding. because then im reminded that we dont have john.
i know im going on about this and its not exactly the most uplifting blog ive ever written, but its something i have to share, because maybe in getting it out, maybe, just maybe, a piece of my heart can mend.
and i'll never forget my 20th birthday.
for all the birthdays ive had and all the ones i'll have, my 20th will be the most memorable.
i'll never forget the panic in oly's voice as i listened to her voicemail for me to call her as soon as i was out of class. the wave of anxiety that washed over me as i dialed her number again and again until she picked up. the birthday wish that was cut short by the kind of news you never want to hear. 'happy birthday....john howry's gone.'
its the kind of thing you wake up from in the middle of the night, because it was a nightmare. but it wasnt a dream here. it was a full on real, living nightmare. the kind you cant wake up from.
i'll never forget john and i'll never forget how he used to make us all laugh until no sound came out.
he was such a big part of my high school experience. the days spent getting ready for shows in the theatre. tech days spent painting sets and laughing over taco bell lunch breaks.
his jokes.
the way he took a printed-on-paper, black and white ink role, and brought it to life.
he was such a blessing to all of us.
i'll never forget him.

so i know that blogs are generally my way of telling everyone back home how much im loving ireland and how great it is, and it is, but right now, i could use being home. a hug from someone who knew him and could laugh and cry with me over coffee at the countless 'john stories' we all have.
i could use that really badly.


im sure next post will be more uplifting (atleast i hope it is) but for now, just pray for the Howry family and friends of our friend john. theyre gonna need it, especially tomorrow. thanks.



much love, many hugs, and a world of thanks for any prayers you feel compelled to deliver,
elyse.
xx